I’m at the grocery store and a song came on this playlist and without warning, for no reason, I feel this fucking gut punch of sadness. Like, deep in my abdomen. So now suddenly, I’m in the produce aisle, sobbing, and laughing uncontrollably because I’m so happy to feel a real emotion besides panic for the first time in almost six months, when this guy taps me on the shoulder and says, “I know you don’t work here, but do you know where the eggs are?” I was like “No, I’m so sorry, they’re not by the milk?” And he shook his head and was turning away when I went “OH! But do you know where the cereal is?” And he smiles really big and goes “I DO know where that is!” And he led me down 12 aisles while we talked and joked around and tears streamed down my face and we checked out together and left the store and went “Cool meeting you! Have a nice night!” and went in our different directions and it’s the fastest and easiest I’ve ever fallen in love.
It often concerns me, as a 32 year old man, who wants to be an artist, that my emotional guide and possible spirit animal is a 20-something girl. And then I think “but she’s an artist too, and isn’t that tenuous connection kinda beautiful, and isn’t your hang up a combination of insecurity about your emotional immaturity and a bit of defensive sexism?” And I feel proud and smart and dumb and embarrassed all at once. There should be a name for that feeling.